I Just Want To Be Wonderful

“This Is The Most Exciting Time Of Your Life…”

My college graduation is in two days. 

In 48 hours, I will have a Bachelors of Fine Arts degree in the field of Journalism. Print and Electronic. So in the field of journalism, I can do it all…

I am so screwed.

I’ve spent the last four years of my life having my writing be critiqued. Put through the ringer. My voice been torn apart. My facial expressions analyzed. Why in God’s name do I want to pursue this field? I must be insane. Your entire audience is your critic! My parents critique the 10 o’clock news anchor every night and THIS is what I choose to get myself into?! 

This would be my thought process if I actually had a job…however, that is not the case. 

I’m not going to graduate school or law school and I’m not taking a year to travel the world. I need to get out into the working world to pay off the obnoxious amount of school loans I have managed to pile up. I should’ve gone to community college for two years like a smart person but NOOO I had to go to a four year private college like all my friends in high school. (A substantial amount I no longer associate with.) And now here I am. 22 and rolling in debt. 

For the last week, I have had people telling me what an “exciting time” this is and that I should be looking forward to this incredible achievement. Easy to say when you’re a tenured professor. Are you people stupid? I’m looking into a field where you need to have 5+ years experience to be an administrative assistant. What the hell am I supposed to do? I’ve had two great internships, editor in chief of my school paper, on air at the school radio station and T.V. station. What more could a employer want? Hell if I know. 

I want to chronicle this search. My quest for employment. Because I have a funny feeling, we’re gonna be here awhile. 

Is it sad I’m not looking forward to Friday? 

Uh. Is tomorrow really my last college class EVER?

I’m at my breaking point.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get away and just rest. I miss normalcy. I need normalcy. I need routines. Don’t judge based on the fact that I know I’m not in high school anymore and you wish you were. 

I got nothing left inside of my chest but it’s all alright.